It is time the time of the semester when the universities that run a quarter-system gives out their midterms. I will not even start on how impractical (but efficient) a quarter system is other than that it is really, really stress full (you fall behind you stay behind no chance of catching up).
Honestly I don’t understand the midterms. They are sorta like exams in the middle of the semester and all of the ones I’ve had have been mostly consisting multiple choice questions. Up until today I thought I went to Uni today to face three midterms in one day, turned out one of them is not until Thursday and the other is a take home exam. That shortened my work load for the day, but I still got my “big history test.” I try not to worry too much but I do.
Of course what is not making anything better is that I hardly managed to sleep at all last night, because one of my professors are particularly unpleasant and aggressive (when unprovoked). And I forgot the part of using profanity towards the student while being aggressive as well. Last week was particularly bad, and all the students were sent home because the professor did not feel well. This kind of behavior of course does nothing for my social anxiety, especially when the class is a “you have to participate or you are marked as absent”-policy. A few weeks ago when I was addressed the professor did interrupt me concluding I had not read whatever short-story before I managed to say more than a few words and make my point. At the time I just kept talking and I figure the professor realized the mistake, but honestly that kind of behavior does lay good ground for the students to want to participate. Some of my fellow students did indeed react to this situation, though not openly in class but it was more a hushed down after class “I can’t believe that the professor said that.”
So I guess the two past weeks have contributed to my anxiety to such a level that I dead to go to class and puts it off as long as I can without being marked as absent (yes I’m often late for that particular class). Though I should probably try to talk to the professor and ask why I am experiencing an excessive amount of this negative feedback, though I do want to avoid the person as much as possible (I have headed for a keep your head down and don’t do anything wrong or stupid strategy). I’m definitely more of a flight person than a fight person, I can work through this.
The past three weeks I have also suffered from nightly terrors, which I believe is connected to this. I wake up too early in the morning, I fall asleep too late, and I’m generally tired. When I finally manage to sleep I have terrible nightmares about completely ordinary and trivial things. Like I keep having this dream over and over, where I travel back home but I have forgotten something and I’m trapped so I can’t go back and get it. Also I dream I’m on the airplane and I have forgotten something in the airport. Once I had a dream where I forgot all my luggage before I traveled home, and also have these dreams where a very ordinary days runs in an annoying loop over and over until I can’t stand it anymore and wake up. Then I do have some disturbing dreams, like the other day I dreamt I ate both my thumbs. Also I dreamt I that I got expelled for whatever reason.
I figures I just have a lot to deal with right now, I’m in a transition period where nothing is under control. In a few months I’m going home, a few months later I’m moving back to London but I have not even started to sort accommodation and I still really need to send those unpleasant e-mails. This week, will do it this week (that’s what i keep telling myself).
At least I got my homework under control, my special assignment will be on the hunger games (which i have read several times), the grammar class is running OK, and I think I can deal with my history class (though that’s a story I will not write about here). So I’m not by any means driving myself completely off charts here, but vacation will be good, getting back in a mean, mean exercise regime will be good, back to dieting will probably be even better, seeing my cat again will be best (to shortly sum up the few things I look forward to about going home).